As we mark the end of Mental Health Awareness Month, one quote continues to echo in our minds: “Expectation feeds frustration. It is an unhealthy attachment to people, things, and outcomes we wish we could control—but don’t.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
That line feels less like a quote and more like a quiet truth, an invitation to confront the silent stories we carry in our heads: expectations.
Which begs the question: Is having expectations a good or bad thing?
At its core, an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen. Simple on the surface, but loaded with emotional weight. Most of what we hope for, assume, or silently wait on is rooted in our personal values, beliefs, and past experiences. Yet these very expectations often shape our joy, our disappointments, and even our relationships.
People carry expectations of themselves, their families, colleagues, children, partners and sometimes even strangers. They also place expectations on systems: schools, service providers, governments and while some expectations are spoken, many remain unvoiced, quietly building pressure beneath the surface.
The emotions tied to expectations are powerful. When they’re met, we feel relief, trust and even peace. But when they’re not, something shifts. Resentment creeps in. Frustration brews. Disappointment lingers and in the background, comparisons begin:
“Why them and not me?”
“Why didn’t they understand?”
“Why wasn’t I enough?”
Some expectations are rooted in control: the need to steer outcomes, avoid pain, or gain certainty. This desire often drives subtle behaviors like: blame, guilt-tripping, silent withdrawal, or emotional overinvestment. It’s not always conscious, but it’s there, this need for control disguised as planning, hoping, or caring.
But what if the problem isn’t expectation itself, but our attachment to it?
Hoping for something good isn’t wrong, wanting clarity, fairness, or kindness are deeply human desires. The struggle begins when our happiness becomes conditional on whether things go our way. In that space, we lose sight of the bigger picture. Managing expectations is key to better mental health, explains Judy Chege, a counselling psychologist from Light a Candle Counselling Services. “When we anchor our emotional well-being to outcomes we can’t control, we set ourselves up for frustration,” she adds.
Managing expectations becomes a kind of self-preservation. It starts with awareness, naming what we want and understanding where it comes from. Then comes acceptance: that not everything will go as planned, and sometimes, that’s okay. Adjusting the story we tell ourselves becomes a radical act of emotional honesty.
It helps to communicate what matters to consider another perspective, to pause before comparing lives, to shift our focus to what we can control and release what we cannot.
This isn’t just a mental health reminder. It’s a collective exhale, Something to think on.
